From a Duck to an AMbitious girl
Yes you should have never agreed to meet me for coffee, you should have said HELL NO to me when I asked you to be my girlfriend and you should have listened to everyone. I don't deny what I did. I lied and manipulated you in ways that were so wrong. you have no idea how sexy swingers wants horny fucking harmony dating sorry I am for that, i have cried even on days that we were together about what i did to you. I will never deny any of it. But whether you believe it or not, there did come a day in Dec. that was more special to me than any other. a day that i decided that I did love you. Then as my came out I realized what I was going to loose. I did love you and so that meant letting you go. I tried to let you live your life, tried to let you do what you wanted. You say you miss what you thought we had but even you can't say that we really had anything. we both were lying at that time. Yes i should have let it run its course and after the came out I did. it was you that asked me again. I threw myself at you and changed who i was, a liar, a manipulator, a drama filled man and just focused on being with you and your family. But one thing I know to be true through everything you were and still are the woman I love. yes its messed up, you have hurt me too beyond i guess what you even see, but I loved you so much that i took that and tried to let it take its course and move on. You were my fantasy for a while, but you did turn into my reality. these nights sleepless and agonizing as i can no longer talk to you parts in me deeper than i have ever known. never again will I drink, the pain i caused you me. your tears still stain my couch. how can I even say I am sorry? should i even say im sorry? would you think its just another manipulation? after you found out about you think thats all I was was a manipulator, but i am sorry the reason you still love me is because you KNOW that I loved you too. I have hurt you and all i want is you in my arms. your not the only one that loved and gave their all in this relationship and was hurt over and over. I don't make excuses, I just hate that you still love me too, because i still love you more than life its self. I have written to you every day, poored my heart out every day missing you. i miss the life we once had and should have had, but I also know that unless you can see that i actually love you and can trust me again by letting go of the past, (and trust me its not easy as you can see from me) then all i do is hurt you and that is the last thing in the world I want. I want my best friend back, I want those arms around me again, I want to fall asleep with the person that I love where that word can't even come close to meaning what i actually feel, I want my conection back. But I also want you to be you. I want you to be who you are. and for that reason I will be happy to be out of your life for ever. you never know how hard this is for me, but for once I am not thinking about me, i am thinking about you. what is good for you. I know I am not and I will forever live with that pain. you don't know how bad I want you in my arms, in my life, in my soul. my princes
Until you get it into court she won't agree. She might not agree anyway but a court ordered custody eval go in your favor at this point. Hire an attorney who has experience with situations like yours. Interview a couple look for something that says father's rights. If you want to your you have to use the court system. That means you have to file. If you file first you have an advantage. If she is drunk around your and not getting help she is a danger to them. Why are you allowing this to continue?
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