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If you can read this you're too sober I'm looking for a charming, beautiful lady - but let's face it, why would a smoking hot girl be on ? That would be like Lady GaGa going shopping at JCPenny. I realize it's far more likely that or even other dudes are likely to check out this profile before any beautiful girls. This means I'm probably not looking for you. I accept that. So if you only have one leg or are missing an eye, I think I can work around that and see the beauty in you. If you cuss like a sailor and drink like a - I find those things fairly enduring. If you have a shotgun in the trunk of your car and voodoo - don't bother contacting me (we already met a couple years back and you were a little too freaky for me). I draw the line at though - please have before you contact me. I'll have to contemplate dentures as that likely means you're super old. If you're and have dentures that likely means you're a meth head. I should probably warn you now that I enjoy messing with meth heads - did you hear that knocking? Is someone knocking? Where's that knocking coming from? I'm just warming-up. I'm surprisingly good at it - it just comes naturally. It's going to be difficult if you don't speak English, but then, you probably couldn't read this. You're probably wondering who is this goofy guy? I brew coffee in the morning and once it's done suddenly decide I want to drink Grey tea. I can listen to the song "Start Shooting" by Little People fifty times in a row. I really like kissing. Like, REALLY like kissing. I can kiss so long we'll both be and breathless (as long as you didn't just eat garlic or something). Actually I'm kidding, you can have stinky breath - I can work around that as well. But I'm not into BO - if you smell like a humid shrimp boat with sweaty sailors lost at sea for six months, I don't think I could work around that. I'm open minded though - at least I think so. If you don't smell like the aforementioned shrimp boat I'm totally down with getting down. With a small caveat that there be no science experiment STDs going on down there. I should digress for a moment and say, with regards to sexual intimacy, I'm fanatiy opposed to any , bumps, rashes, or burns breaking out on my junk. I might be a little prudish that way. So if I find mushrooms growing on you, I'm running away. Life is short, we all need love - if you can't be beautiful, at least be funny (I'm talking about you, I'm already funny). I'm also handsome (in the right light). So to all you slightly less than perfect beautiful ladies who read this, I'd really like to kiss you. Bonus points if you have two arms to hug me with and a glass eyeball instead of an eye patch. But like I said, I'm flexible. BTW - if you send me a that looks like a mug shot, or you look like you're going to steal my , at least be honest about that and say "looking for a ." If you look like a serial (I get it, you were born that way, there's nothing you can do to change it), please steal someone else's , then send that to me and say, "I resemble this person." Work with me on this one - I suspect you'll get better results.

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